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Mental Health

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I wanted to take a moment to talk to all you men out there specifically about the importance of taking care of your mental health.

As many of you know, as I am very open about it, I suffer from major depressive disorder, anxiety, and hypervigilance issues along with being in recovery from 20 years of heavy alcoholism. June marks both my 9^th year in consistent therapy and at the end of the month I will hit 8 years sobriety. To be honest, both are feats that I would have never imagined me talking about.

Deep in my addiction days I knew I had depression; however, the Marine and man in me came up with a ton of excuses on why I didn’t need to seek help.

“If they aren’t a Veteran they won’t understand”

“I am a man, we don’t seek help we push through it and be fine”

“ Therapy is for the weak minded that can’t handle life”

And the list goes on and on.

I was doing okay on the outside for a while, putting on a smile and telling jokes and letting everyone know I was doing great…life couldn’t be any better.

On the inside, I was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode and lash out at any time.

Then came the two DUI charges in 5 years and that is when life got dicey. Instead of stopping drinking, I doubled down. For years I had burnt through relationships, and marriages and to be honest, I wasn’t suicidal or homicidal, I just simply didn’t care if I ended up dead in a ditch somewhere.

The Turn

Then I finally had enough, and asked a friend from work who her husband was seeing as a therapist as I had seen him really make a change from the 10 years that I had known him from work.  I needed something different in my life, and I was at a point that I didn’t care what others thought.

I showed up for my first two appointments and didn’t do anything but cry. Like, sobbed. I didn’t realize how much I had compartmentalized and shoved so deep that once the lid was open it all came out.  I was embarrassed as I walked out. Heck, after the first session I sat in my car and thought there was no way in hell I was walking back in there after that showing. I mean, come on, I am a Marine veteran and Marine’s don’t cry…we break things.

But I continued to show up, and began to do the work on myself. You see therapy doesn’t work, unless you do the work.

Sobriety

I was about a year into therapy when one day (Tues, 26 June 2016) instead of doing my normal two for Tuesday, therapy for an hour then the brewery for 2 or 3 or 5 (or more) beers, I turned left instead of right and grabbed a 6 pack of non-alcoholic beer and never looked back. It hasn’t been easy, some days it is downright brutal fighting the cravings and the desire to climb back into self-isolation (which is my comfort zone), however, thanks to having the tools to recognize it, and a support system beside me, allows me to fight it.

Mental Health Stigma

There is a stigma about mental health and let’s be honest it will never go away. I have come to realization that the stigma is driven by people who are suffering themselves and are too afraid to admit it. So, they work their hardest to convince you that you are weak if you can’t handle it yourself, only so that they have company in their misery. They will play a tough man role on the outside, only to be decaying mentally and physically on the inside.

Here are some quick stats according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:

• 6 Million men suffer from depression per year, but often goes underdiagnosed
• 3 Million men have panic disorders

I am glad I quit listening to the stigma, or I have no idea where I would be, but I am willing to bet my house that I wouldn’t be here in the place I am today. Hell, you would have never caught me talking about my mental health if I wasn’t proud of where I came from to where I am today.

Therapy won’t “solve” your mental health. It won’t cause depression, anxiety, PTS, or any other issue “go away”. What it will do is give you the tools, knowledge, and the outlet to truly live a better life. It won’t happen immediately; it will take a dedicated commitment to yourself to do the work. But believe me when I tell you, it is 100% worth the effort.

Take Action

So, for you reading this that are suffering in silence, I stand beside you when I say that you are worth it and put everything you have ever heard to the side and make the call and schedule an appointment today. Not tomorrow, not next week. TODAY. If you go to a session or two and don’t feel a connection with the therapist, don’t give up. Find another one. Connection is key when it comes to your healing and your health.

Today my brothers is the day you take control and commit to living a better life and know that I will always be in your corner.

Ryan

If you still struggling the fear of being a nudist or even seeking treatment, take a look at this previous blog on “fear is a liar“.