I was listening to a song the other day by Christian music artist Zach Williams called “Fear is a Liar” and it really struck a cord. So much so, I thought I would write about it (again).
Now there is a ton of motivational sayings about fear which is great; however, most aren’t effective for everyday fear that you don’t even realize is controlling you. Most of the time you will recognize the sudden onset of a fear spike (adrenaline, sweating, raised heart rate), but what I am talking about is the quiet manipulation of your thoughts and actions.
We all have it, and I am certainly no different.
However, over the past 8 years of therapy I have learned to pay attention to my thoughts. Initially, through the lens of depression, anxiety, and hypervigilance I have been able to detect when my mind is working in subtle thoughts to generate enough fear that I don’t want to do something or go somewhere.
Does this sound like you?
You get motivated to do something and then all of a sudden you lose the motivation and talk yourself out of something? Maybe you are curious to try something but a through a series of thoughts of you lose interest?
Let’s take nudism for example, since this is a nudist blog 😊
Have you wanted to give this nudist thing a shot, either at home or in a social environment? Maybe you have read some previous blogs (like this on how Nudism helps me with my Mental Health) and thought “hell it is worth a shot”, but then you out of the blue comes these little thoughts that show up:
“You don’t like the way your body looks, and you will see yourself all naked and stuff”
“What if someone shows up and just walks in the door and sees you”
“We don’t have time, we are to busy to just hang out naked”
“Come on we have to run an errand, we will do it later”
“O hell no, if you get naked in front of someone they will stare at you and see every flaw you have…we need to drop 25 lbs and then we will go”
“I don’t want to see a bunch of old fat naked men/women staring at me”
And the thoughts keep rolling in like unrelenting waves; ultimately, causing you to resort to what is the most comfortable thing you know…normalcy.
These thoughts will drop just enough fear in your mind to keep you from trying something you may actually fall in love with.
Changing the Perspective on Fear and Your Thoughts
What if you took the exact same thoughts from above when they show up and changed the perspective on this just a little bit (not a lot, just a little).
“You don’t like the way your body looks, and you will see yourself all naked and stuff”. Change to “I may not like my body, but I don’t care I am trying this and just won’t look down”.
“What if someone shows up at the house and just walks in the door and sees you”. Change to “well I will just lock the door and if someone comes to the door I won’t open it”
“We don’t have time, we are to busy to just hang out naked”. Change to “I do have time and I am going to prioritize my mental health over just feeling like I have to be busy” or “well I am busy, but I have 15 minutes and I am going to get naked and try it”.
“Come on we have to run an errand, we will do it later”. Change to “do we really need to run errands, and if so I am to take a few minutes for myself and I will do it when I get home”.
“O hell no, if you get naked in front of someone they will stare at you and see every flaw you have…we need to drop 25 lbs and then we will go”. Change to “if I get naked in front of someone (nudist) they are probably naked to and I can see their flaws and Ryan says that true nudist don’t care about my flaws they want me to be me”, or “yeah I need to drop 25 lbs but then I will make another excuse why I can’t at that mark, so I will start now and lose 25 lbs along the way”.
“I don’t want to see a bunch of old fat naked men/women staring at me”. Change to “I might not want to see a bunch of people naked, however, they are really loving this nudist thing so there may be something to it. I know I will be uncomfortable both being naked around others and others being naked around me but what is the worst case, I quietly get dressed and leave…what is the best case, you f*cking fearful thoughts lied to me and I actually love it!!!!!!!!”
See the difference in just a small change in the conversation. You can take the first thought and without change, will go deep in a rabbit hole of thoughts and never make it back to the surface.
Nudism Isn’t For Everyone
Now I am not saying nudism is for everyone; it is not. What I am saying is that if you are curious enough to try it, then you should by all means try it.
You don’t have to jump off the deep end and go to a resort or social function.
How to Start
I would recommend just trying it out around the house for 2 hours by yourself. Not sure you want to go all in but want to dip your toes a bit, then grab your favorite robe if you have one and just wear underwear with your robe on. Then after a bit, undue your robe. If you are feeling a bit more relaxed (80% chance you will), take off your underwear and keep your robe on and open and just do what you would normally do around the house. And then after a while, maybe try taking off the robe.
When the thoughts come (and they will) tell your brain to shut the f*ck up, you are doing this and it feels great.
Again, if you go more than 2 hours…awesome.
If at 2 hours, you feel uncomfortable and really dislike it, put you robe back on and tie it up and hang out naked underneath.
There is really no forward way to become a nudist, although I outline some tips in this previous blog which you can read here!
The biggest “win” you will get by trying it out is that you overcame the inner fear of being nude (either alone or with others). If you want to try a social nudist event and not comfortable, do what Jess and many women do, and put on a sarong. When, and if you get comfortable, take it off or move it down some. If not, don’t remove it!
Lastly, while this addresses nudism, these subtle fear thoughts are in EVERY aspect of your life. Pay attention to them and address them. You may not know what I am talking about at this point, however, if you watch for them you can catch them early.
For some, you may not catch them until you are in a full blow internal conversation with yourself. If this is the case, I want you to think about an hour or two before and see if you can tell what started it. IF you notice yourself starting to get into one, simply say “f*ck you thoughts I am doing it” you may see a shift in mood instantly.
So get out there, get naked and control the thoughts and conversations in the direction you want it to go!
Truth. We are trained to fear being seen naked before we are old enough to know we are being trained. I’ve been nudist for more than half a century and I still carry fear of being seen. Usually I go naked anyway, ignoring the fear, but it’s there. In all that time, and in thousands of encounters with clothists while I’m naked, nothing bad has ever happened to me. We really have nothing to fear but fear itself.
I always think there is a sense of fear in the beginning, even for the most seasoned nudist; however, the longer you do it the faster it goes away. Thanks for the comment!
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