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Stop Seeking Approval Start Seeking Joy

Every time I go on social media I find tons of posts of people seeking approval from others. This is human nature. We are social animals that seek connection, and part of that connection is getting people to like us, or when they say nice things, we get a hit of dopamine.

However, when we do this, we start to live a life of seeking approval and we change who we are (or at least for our online presence).

We lose our sense of seeking true joy and what makes US happy as we want to gain acceptance from others. The same people who ignore you 80% of the time.

While getting “likes” makes us feel good, it also has us chasing the “like count”. Nothing wrong with this, hell, personally I enjoy a blog or post that gets a lot of likes or comments.

But often times I notice on pages like Twitter or Reddit, people go out seeking validation. Now I get it, people with low self-esteem seek validation and nice comments to boost themselves up. And, many get them which is great…short term.

However, this is where it will backfire. Lets say you make a post and  you get 200 “you look great” comments and then you get 20 negative comments. What do you think you will focus on? If you guessed the .01% of negative comments. This will spin you down a rabbit hole of thoughts and more self-doubt.

The worst part about this, many of these people truly don’t care and don’t know you like those that are you in your inner most circle know you.

This is why I don’t lend credence to negative comments on my Twitter page (which if you haven’t followed me would love to have you do so). On my personal Facebook page, I will often preface post that will tell people to keep their negative comments to their selves as I don’t care and don’t want to read them.

And when I say I don’t care, I truly mean that.

Not everyone likes me…hard to believe I know hahahahahaha.

Not everyone is in my inner most circle and doesn’t know my life, my struggles, my success and certainly my lifestyles. Hell, if you have read my blog you know that I am bisexual and a nudist…that is more than 98% of the people I associate with on a regular basis know.

It is not that I am embarrassed or ashamed, I am proud of who the hell I am! I have an amazing support system that accepts me for who I am, what I want to become, and are always in my corner. However, there are a lot of people in my life that simply don’t have a “need to know”, or I chose to keep that part of my life from them. There is nothing wrong with that, it is a personal decision. Much like the decisions you make on who knows what.

The other day on my Twitter page I made a post that said “If I am not going to your funeral, or speaking at it, there is a 150% chance I am not listening to your negative comments or opinions about me or my life. Just a fact.”

Do you think if you adopted this same mindset your life would change?

Do you think if you stopped chasing approval from others and started chasing joy, you would be in a better mood?

I will guarantee that you will!

If you want approval and acceptance, seek it from those whose funeral you would attend or speak at. For all others, just chock it up as a comment from the ignorant or those that are expressing your opinions. But please don’t dwell on it.

On the other hand, if you are the one always going on to peoples pages and posts leaving your negative thoughts, opinions, and comments…stop. I get it, you will say you are entitled to your own opinion and true you are; however, just keep it on your page. I would bet there is a million posts I have never responded to when I wanted to express my true thoughts, but I didn’t.

I would rather be known for someone that attempts to spread joy and positivity, than to be a negative to try to prove a point to someone that doesn’t have the ability to change any situation. Why? Because I then will have that thought and conversation stuck in the back of my mind (or on the forefront) and it will steal my joy, even if for a few minutes and many times much longer. So just let it go and scroll on.

You can’t, and won’t, make everyone happy 100% of the time. If you are trying, you are failing.

So please, start to live life on your terms. Find out what you like and go do it, even if it goes against societal norms (and as long as it is legal).

No one, and I mean NO ONE, is responsible for your life, joy and happiness but you. If you are waiting or relying on others to provide it for you, my guess is that you are unhappy. It is time to remove the “un” and simply be happy.

It won’t happen overnight. You have been conditioned as a child to seek approval from everyone; however, you can do it. For me, it took 10 years of undiagnosed and treated major depression along with 20 years of alcoholism to quit caring about others, but you don’t need that type of life to start paying attention to your thoughts and actions.

To a more fulfilled and joyful life!

In your corner,

Ryan

P.S. If you are in Eastern Washington let me know and maybe we can meet you at Kaniksu Nudist Ranch or event!