Ketamine and my personal experience.
This blog is about my personal experience with ketamine treatment under medical supervision. I’m not a medical professional, and this isn’t advice or a recommendation for you specifically. If you’re exploring options for mental health or chronic pain, please speak with a licensed provider who understands your individual situation. Trying ketamine at home, or at a party, can be addictive and dangerous for your health and result in death or liver failure. There is a lot to ketamine, so this blog won’t cover everything, just hitting the highlights of it.
If you are a Veteran, please read all the way through to the bottom for some important information.
In 2026 I decided that I was going to put my physical and mental health first. With that, I have taken a step back in a lot of areas in life to give myself a break and some recovery time. I have gone to the doctor a few times to get various things looked at that have been put at the bottom of the priority list. One of those things is going to the urologist to address my erectile dysfunction (which is nothing new, I have been on meds since 2015’ish) but now going to try the shot as well which I did yesterday (another blog on that coming).
However, I recently came across a local non-profit that I am familiar with that has sponsored Veterans and First Responders to get ketamine treatments for their mental health (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, depression, anxiety, etc.). Having never heard of it before, I did some research and found some great information that peaked my interest. The real interest was the possibility that I could get some relief from both my depression and anxiety, but also from the 27 years of chronic head-to-toe pain I live with daily.
So, after a few days of sitting with it and doing my research, I reached out to a friend of mine that is on the board of directors and asked if they would consider sponsoring me for treatments. A few short days after, I got a call from the President of the organization, and she said they had chosen me to get treatments.
Ketamine Sessions
The six ketamine therapy sessions I completed were not recreational. Not some wild psychedelic experiment at a festival or someone’s home. They were structured, medically supervised in a clinic by a medical doctor, and targeted intentional treatment for depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. The treatment runs in a 6-session series, and then you can look at doing a booster session (a one-time event) every 2-6 months if needed to keep it going. I scheduled my booster session for 2 months out so I could keep this going.
Why I Tried It
For over 15 years I have lived with major depressive disorder, anxiety, hypervigilance issues, and chronic and residual physical pain from my head (migraines) to my toes (radiating pain down both legs and partial numbness in my foots) and everywhere in between. While I have learned to live and function with it, it is something that wears you down both mentally and physically.
I have tried the traditional treatments including 23 sets of neck injections, 4 sets of lumbar spine injections, depression meds and various pain medications. While they work temporarily, my goal is to have longer term relief without having to take pills or getting surgery. While meds and various treatments may work for many people, for others, they only soften the edge but don’t really change the root patterns in the brain and the pain receptors.
Ketamine works differently, and I will try to explain this in plain English (as that is the way I understand things).
What It Actually Does
Many depression treatments work on serotonin. Ketamine works primarily on something called glutamate — one of the brain’s most important communication chemicals.
Here’s the simple version:
When we go through trauma, chronic stress, or long-term depression, certain neural pathways in the brain get “worn in.” Think of it like ruts in a dirt road that have been continually driven on without being smoothed over. Your brain keeps driving the same painful loops, no matter how bumpy or painful it can be. Like if you live rural and you know that road you wish to avoid because it is going to beat up your car and your ass hurts by the time you hit pavement, but can’t because it is your main route…kinda like that.
However, ketamine temporarily loosens those ruts so they aren’t so rigid. Much like after a few days of a good rain, the road isn’t smooth like it has been paved, but the rain has softened the ruts into mud and it is much easier to drive on. Still not smooth, just more even and comfortable and you don’t moan and groan every time you hit a bump.
Ketamine increases neuroplasticity — which is just a fancy word for your brain’s ability to form new connections. For a short window of time (24-72 hours post treatment), your brain becomes more flexible, trying to rewire itself in ways.
That window is where healing can happen. This is why it is key to put yourself in your “happy place” and avoid anything negative as much as possible. Of sorts, your brain is trying to reset itself, so don’t just sit around and watch the news, or death scroll social media and get angry and worried about the world, that is what your brain will remember; ultimately, your brain becomes more open to change…so change it for the better. I mean, is what you are wanting to do with the treatment correct?
What It Felt Like
Each session lasted about 90 minutes in total. Since the ketamine is administered via an IV, there is set-up time and working to get you in the right head space, along with the best music selection for your session. I chose to use a weighted blanket and then my Doctor put an eye mask on me, noise cancelling headphones, made sure the music was at the right level, and begin to administer the ketamine.
Each session I would set an intention beforehand — inner peace, freedom, self-compassion and grace, and joy and gratitude. Nothing dramatic. Just some internal things I wanted to work on over the span of 3 weeks that I feel has been stuffed down over a lifetime and wanted to bring back up to the surface.
The sessions are hard to explain in words. But if I were to try, it would look like:
- Light (and in the middle of it, floating)
- Detached from physical tension, stress, and pain
- Less guarded, yet still mentally cognitive of my thoughts and could move my fingers and toes when I wanted to
- Calm in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time which in an of itself could cause anxiety (hard to explain)
For me there were no huge revelations, and big visuals of people giving me life guidance or the grand keys to life like I had thought there would be. However, there were some really cool visuals that I would literally be in awe of when they were happening. If you have ever seen the northern lights dance across the sky, it was like that times 100.
As a recovering alcoholic with going on 10 years of sobriety, the first few sessions I had to fight to stay relaxed. I don’t like the feeling of not having full mental control; however, I had to continue to remind myself during the session to “trust the process”.
There was one session, for a brief moment in time, I thought to myself “this is what death feels like” and was honestly waiting on chest compressions to occur at any time. I was able to calm myself down, and literally got an internal chuckle knowing I had a 19-year emergency department Doctor as my provider so I knew I was in good hands if she had to thump on my chest.
When this occurs, it is called a “ego death”, don’t worry it isn’t literal death…you aren’t getting rid of me that easy. However, it is a mere temporary loss of one’s self, identity and ego boundaries and a total loss of body, emotional and cognitive control. While scary as shit in the moment, coming out of it felt almost refreshing that I was “alive” and reset in many ways.
Again, ketamine journeys can be hard to explain in words from a non-educated medical provider trying to explain it in plain english, but hoping you get the picture.
The Impact on My Pain
This part surprised me. I knew going in ketamine resets your pain receptors, so you feel pain a little differently, however, with as long as I have had pain I was hoping for even just a touch of relief. But my chronic physical pain has been reduced significantly which was a huge surprise, and much welcomed! Not completely gone, but reduced by 95%. Dialed down so much that I can live my life without fear of standing up to fast and my back going out, bending over and not getting bac up, or getting crushed by neck pain and a migraine out of now where which puts me down for the day.
Ketamine is known to help with certain types of nerve-related pain because it calms overactive pain signaling in the brain. Seeing I have 4 bulging discs in my neck and a herniated disc at my L5/S1 which causes sciatica, so relief from near constant nerve pain down all 4 limbs is much welcomed.
When your nervous system is constantly on high alert, everything hurts more — physically and emotionally. The ketamine allowed my nervous system to take a break. I have went in public to a few large events since and wasn’t stuck in hypervigilance mode, scanning for threats and people the entire time and running very violent scenarios in my head which I must figure out my solution for safety. I don’t have a fight-or-flight, mine resorts mentally to fight. Therefore, by the time I leave I am mentally and physically exhausted much of the time I go into a crowded public place.
That alone was worth it.
The Impact on My Mental Health
Here’s what I have noticed since my first session one month ago yesterday:
- My thoughts feel less heavy which makes me feel lighter in life.
- My reactions aren’t automatic irritation; it has given me a small window to think things through more rationally.
- I have more patience and smile more than I have in 15 years.
- I just feel better inside and out.
And here is the thing with the pain vs. depression vicious cycle. When one goes up, so does the other (i.e. when your depression rises so does your pain level, when your pain level goes up your depression tries to keep pace with the rise). However, when you can get one to come down, the other will start to follow and come down with it.
I was able to get a two-fer with both my mental health and pain coming down at the same time!
Was It Comfortable?
Yes.
Was it scary?
No it wasn’t scary as I had done my research, so I had a general idea of what to expect, and my Doctor was very comforting and next to me the entire time. Your provider will stay next to you the entire session monitoring your blood pressure, oxygen levels and heart rate.
Was it intense?
At moments, yes — but not overwhelming. There were times I started to feel anxiety wanting to kick in but I knew I was safe and if I needed, I could hold my hand out at anytime and the Dr. would come over and hold it until I was through whatever situation. I didn’t need it, but nice to know it was there.
Would I Recommend It?
If you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or chronic pain and feel stuck — I would say it is 100% worth researching.
While insurance doesn’t pay for it as it is “experimental”, it is worth your investment. To note, ketamine is FDA approved as an anesthesia but does have a lot of new medical evidence and research of its powerful effect on mental health and pain management.
Ketamine may have a weird stigma to it as people think it is some 60’s psychedelic, but how cares to be honest. This treatment is about you and no one else. And if you need a friendly reminder, do a quick 1 minute read on this to reminder yourself you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
Finding the right provider
Here is the key: you must find a provider you are comfortable with. Feeling safe and comfortable is the true key to getting results. If you don’t feel comfortable and safe, I believe your brain is going to fight the treatment the entire session as it is trying to find it. Remember, the ketamine is the rain working to soften those ruts in the road, so don’t rush in finding just a provider, find the right fit.
I was lucky to have Dr. Danielle Wolff of Illume Wellbeing in Spokane Washington. Danielle has almost 20 years of experience as an Emergency Room Doctor and from the moment Jess and I walked in were always greeted with a warm, welcoming smile…like the one that is happy to see you and not just the one that is pretending to be happy to you (you know the ones you can see right through). The entire 90 minutes I was with her I truly felt valued and not just another patient. She always took the time to answer any questions Jess or I had, and never responded in a way that many doctors can which can come off as demeaning or “better than”. Dr. Wolff wanted to make sure we were both comfortable and taken care of.
She walked me through the entire process, and each session would help me to narrow in my intention, worked on which music would be best to get the maximum results, and before she started the ketamine she would remind me that I am safe, which is huge because there are many times I had to recall that during times in my journey.
Once it was done and I would be coming out of it (which you will be groggy for a bit) we would talk about the session, and life and she just genuinely cares about everyone she serves. Even Jess said as we were leaving my last appointment, that you could really tell Dr. Wolff cares about people and how amazing it is to find someone like her.
I would 100% recommend her if you are in the eastern Washington/Northern Idaho area, you will not be disappointed. This is not a paid advertisement, she is someone I believe in, and will continue to put my trust in, and one that I honestly feel could help you…if you do the work to help yourself.
Final thoughts
Healing is one of the most freeing experiences a human being can have. If you are suffering from mental health or long term chronic pain I would at least do the research on ketamine therapy and see if it is for you.
Would I try it nude? Hell yeah I would just for the full authenticity experience and seeing that being nude is my all-time stress reliver and how I get most comfortable. But honestly, I am not sure Dr. Wolff wants me to walk around her office naked 😊 and to be honest, the freedom I gained mentally and physically with clothes on was just as impactful than if I were naked.
For me, it was six sessions that created space — and sometimes a little bit of space is exactly what we need to reclaim ourselves.
And just remember, if you’re struggling — you’re not broken. You aren’t “unhealable”. Give yourself some self-love and grace (my very first intention I did) and take care of yourself.
Stop walking around telling yourself there is nothing you can do and “well I guess I am just that way”, you aren’t…you just choose to be that way.
Got any questions leave a comment or shoot me an email at everydaynudist@gmail.com
In your corner,
Ryan
Public Service Announcement for Veterans: Veterans, the VA does pay for Ketamine therapy through the Care in the Community program. You will need to do your research to see if there are any VA approved providers in your area, and then get your primary care provider to put a referral in for the VA to approve it. Once approved, they will send you to the provider to get the treatment. I would suggest trying to get approved under your mental health or chronic pain as your justification.
To learn more about what ketamine is, check out this website from Harvard.